Changing Places: Should your parents move in with you?

Making the decision to move a parent into your home is not necessarily as clear-cut as it would seem. A number of situations and questions arise that need addressing. It can be helpful to consider the following issues before the move is made:

Relationships

• How will you talk to my parent(s) about moving?
  
• How will my spouse and children feel about moving my parent(s) into our home and how will it change our lives together?
  
• What things will be easy for us to negotiate in living together and what things will be hard?
  
• What are the limits of your ability to care for your parent(s) at home?
  
• How will your siblings feel?
  
• Will your siblings be able to help care for your parent(s)?
  
• Will your parent(s) friends come to visit at your house? Or will your mom or dad be dependent on your for all socializing?
  
• What are your needs for privacy and alone time?
  

Adapting Your Home

• Where will your parent(s) sleep? In your daughter's room? Will you need to convert the den, build an addition?
  
• What special devices do you need? Grab bars in the bathroom? Raised toilet seat, ramps, etc.?
  
• Does your parent smoke or drink and will that be a problem?
  
• Does your mom or dad have a pet? Can you care for that pet? How do you feel about that pet living in your home?
  

Money

• What will the financial arrangement be? Should you charge rent? Will you have expenses that you'd like your parents to reimburse?
  
• How will your siblings feel about the financial arrangement?
  
• Will your work situation have to change, and if so, how will you cover the bills?

Time

• Will your parent(s) need care during the day, and if so, how will it be provided?
  
• How will you juggle your job, childcare responsibilities, marriage and taking care of your adult parents?
  
• When will you have time for yourself?
  
• What kind of arrangements will need to be made when you go out of town for business or vacation?
  

Personal Care

• How comfortable are you with helping your mother or father bathe? Will you be willing to change an adult diaper?
  
• Have you prepared yourself for what to expect when your parent(s) condition changes?
  
• How is your health and will you be able to take care of yourself in addition to taking care of a parent?
  
• Am you willing to accept respite care to get a break?

Every family situation is different. If you are facing these questions, Aging Family Services can help you sort out the pros and cons of such a move and provide information and resources to make things easier for you and your family. Call or send an email if you'd answering these and other tough questions.

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